oh boy

I guess when you have two brothers, this is the way you think a toilet is used. Pull up your shirt, lean forward a bit and stand there. Thankfully she hasn't caught on to the pull-your-pants-down step. Yet.

catch-up

So obviously I'm busy.  Too busy to introduce you to a new Mormon yesterday.  Sorry if you were really looking forward to that...

Here are a few things that have been blog-neglected.

Cameron graduated from Kindergarten.  I won't blog too much about that noteworthy experience because it wouldn't be fair to embarrass him.  Besides, I'm pretty sure Richard and I will never forget it.  But I thought this picture of his buddies was cute.  Poor Marcello looks a bit out of his comfort zone...
Miriam is now 18 months old.  Yay for nursery! She is Trouble.  Note the capital "T."  I had two boys before she came along, and between the two of them they didn't cause me as much anxiety and frustration as she does.  Someday when I've recovered I'll blog about how I lost her at Eagle Island.   
And little Simon is three months old.  I love the color of his hair.  It is hard to tell in pictures but it's kind of a rusty reddish-brown.  He's smiling quite a bit but also likes to be held quite a bit.  The poor little guy practically has to beg for attention, but rewards you when you give it. 


 Eli ran in his first race.  He had been begging to run a race for awhile but given that he has the nickname of "Tortoise" I was skeptical that he would actually enjoy it.  Since this one was only a half-miler I signed him up, and Richard accompanied him.  It took a little encouragement but he did pretty well.  The picture is really blurry but you get the idea.  Go Eli-Pie!

man I over-use parentheses (and hyphens?)

The other day I was reading through old blog posts. It is so discouraging to look back through a journal-type record like a blog and read the insights you had long ago that you've already forgotten.

But it made me think about how I used to have time to think. I used to think about things. I used to listen to NPR podcasts all the time, and then think about them. Now I am too paranoid to put headphones in for fear I won't be able to hear one of the kids crying or calling for me or getting into trouble.

I'm just so busy! Mothers everywhere get annoyed when others ask them "What do you do all day?" We all know how much there is to do. But before I had four children, and even sometimes now, I ask myself "What did I accomplish today?" So tonight after all the kids were in bed and I was feeding Simon I thought about it. And the numbers say a lot, so here they are. (Approximately.)

In one week:

Just for the kids alone, not including myself or Richard:

I do approximately 6 loads of laundry. I deliver (with varying degrees of effort) 105 meals. (Babies eat a lot.) I administer or supervise 20 baths. I clip 40 little fingernails and toenails. I change 56 diapers. I read about 12-18 books. I run 10 cycles of dishes. I sweep the floor 10-12 times. I do at least 14 pigtails or ponytails. (Thank goodness it's just one girl!) I put shoes on and take them off at least 28 times. I brush teeth 21 times. (Don't do that math, it's much less than it should be.) I change the clothing of a child 49 times. (That is much more than it should be, see previous post about an overly-dependent 4-year-old.)

I also wipe noses and bums, apply bandaids, give hugs and kisses, swaddle & re-swaddle, play wiffle ball, clean messes, go to the park, attend Dr. appointments, grocery shop, housework, mediate fights, rock a baby and try to have a hobby or two. (Does Pinterest count as a hobby?)

I don't say all this to brag. Or maybe I do... But I also say it to reassure myself and others that being a mom is super busy. It just is. I remember feeling this way the first few months after each baby, so I am hopeful for the future when things settle down a bit.

And of course, it goes without saying (or does it?) that it is all totally worth it.

shouldn't be writing this late at night

Tonight my husband and two oldest children are away camping. My mom is also out of town so I got take out and had dinner with my dad. After dinner we watched a documentary about a Jewish Ghetto in Shanghai during World War II. It was kind of depressing but I appreciate my parents for being the kind of people who do things like this on a Friday night.

On my way home it was quiet and I was thinking about the people from the movie. Then I had one of those moments where I realized how I'm not so good.

[Pause: I am not writing this post to fish for compliments. Please don't leave a comment telling me I am good, because no offense, I know me better than you. I'm writing this for expression and because I'm curious if you have those moments. Please comment and say that you do. ]

I realized tonight that I am what President Uchtdorf calls a "cloud without water." Ugh. This realization feels awful. I know what is right, I know what it means to be good, but I lack in the execution. I'll give myself a little credit and say that occasionally I come through with my actions and they demonstrate my intellectual understanding of goodness, but even still I lack in the feeling. There is no charity. And I absolutely believe that true charity brings joy I've yet to know.

I guess the good news is that I'm not in denial.

But the bad news is that tomorrow the realization will probably fade away and I will go on justifying my selfish behavior. Richard and I were talking recently about how hard it is to change your desire. You can argue up and down that you desire to be charitable but if your heart is judgemental and unkind it becomes clear that what you really desire is the satsifaction you get from others misfortunes or the feelings of superiority that come when you point out to yourself the faults of others. I have realized that I cannot change the uncharitable parts of my character until I have changed my fundamental, possibly instinctive, desire to place myself above others. I fear it might take something drastic for me to accomplish that change.

Now that is a scary realization.

the great [coupon] compromise

I find these days I can hardly participate in anything without having mixed feelings about it. What does that say about me? Indecisive? Insecure?

Anyway, here I will document my journey through my mixed feelings about "couponing". Don't worry, I won't post a picture of ridiculous amounts of food that I paid virtually nothing for. I hate those pictures. In the past they would fill me with frustration and anger that I was paying so much for food and other products. (Again, what does that say about me?)


In the Beginning:

I never though couponing was for me for three reason.
1. I felt guilty. I felt like I was ripping someone off. It almost felt dishonest.
2. It seemed like all that was being purchased was processed foods and drinks I wouldn't buy for my family at any price.
3. It takes so much time and it was too overwhelming.


In the End:

1. An experienced couponer in addition to my business-minded husband (who audits a grocery store) reassured me that no one loses in the coupon game. It's all part of doing business, and marketing/advertising. (I'd be happy to enlighten you if you are the guilt-prone type like myself.)
2. Although the processed foods seem to be the most common sale/coupon items with regard to groceries, I've found that there are many other products I will use and can save on. For example, since I started using coupons I've saved 50-90% on toothpaste, deodorant, EVOO, whole grain pasta, razors, chapstick, shaving gel, cheese, yogurt and more.
3. It does take time. No rebuttal there.


In the middle:

Let's be honest, couponers can be annoying. I can say this now, because I've done it. They rub their good deals in your face constantly. We do this because it feels so good to get good deals, we have to share it with the world. Yeah, we're basically bragging and no one likes bragging.


I decided to try the whole couponing game because I have two kids in diapers and I was desperate for a way to save. I started reading the blogs and talking to my friends who do it. (And all have been very helpful.) But for the first couple weeks I found myself having serious anxiety. I got more and more jealous when I would see the pictures and hear about the awesome deals people were scoring. I would lay in bed at night thinking about it. Jealousy is ugly. It does ugly things to you.


Before I came to peace with the ways couponing could work for me I had a crisis. I realized that I was becoming as obsessed with saving money as some people do with spending it. And it was just as damaging to my mood. I had a few great experiences where I got good products for pennies and my adrenaline was pumping like I had just finished a race. I also had some terrible experiences where I swore I was done with it all.


For awhile couponing was making me greedy. Even now I fight the temptation of greed. It became about saving more and MORE and MORE! And it became about getting more and MORE and MORE product. I was caring about money more than I ever had, in a totally selfish, greedy way.


Now that I've gone through these feelings, learned about it more and let go of the greed, I've learned how I can best utilize the concept. I've learned that when a product my family uses and needs is on a good sale, I can preorder it and buy enough to last us until the next good sale. I am not willing to work my menu around my good deals though. So I am slowly building a supply of the things I actually want to feed my family rather than buying what is cheapest and finding ways to use it. "Stacking" coupons and "matching-up" coupons with sales is also very helpful with saving on things we can't live without like sunscreen, swim diapers and toilet paper.


Thank you to all who have helped me learn the art of couponing. The saying "All things in moderation" is very wise. Unfortunately now it is extremely painful to pay full-price for anything.

the kids have it backwards

I have issues around here.



I have an 18-month-old who wants to do everything for herself. This would be wonderful except she is developmentally incapable of doing so. She wants to feed herself, she wants to put her own shoes on and she wants to brush her own hair. Not only is her independence hard to deal with, but when left unattended it can create chaos.



Contrast that with the four-year-old that lives here who refuses to do anything for himself. He wants me to do everything for him that he is developmentally capable of doing. He wants me to dress him, put his shoes on and he even eats better if I feed him. I try to explain that with two younger siblings I can't be his maidservant. It's not sinking in.


Fortunately I am lucky to have a totally compliant two-month-old who allows me to provide all things for him, and a competently independent six-year-old who can also be helpful when called upon.

the Capitol Classic

Richard and I talk about moving away from Boise, to experience a different part of the world. We've spent our entire married life in Idaho and neither of us really imagined that we would be here forever. So maybe someday we'll get the chance to venture away.






But there are many things to love about living here. One of those things is that I get to watch my children participate in things I participated in as a kid. One of those things is the Capitol Classic race. Cameron ran this weekend and did really well, his best race so far. But I just love the atmosphere of it all. It was a beautiful day and the finish line was at a downtown park with trees, happy family-oriented people, and treats. I really do love Boise.

I told Cameron I wanted to take his picture, but didn't specifically request a pose. I got one anyway. Oh that boy...

garbage gut

Miriam has earned the nickname "Garbage Gut" from her grandpa. This is because she has the bad habit of refusing to eat the food given to her, and instead eats food from others' plates, off the floor and out of the garbage can. The other day after my fruitless efforts to feed her oatmeal in her highchair, she gathered the other oatmeal bowls from breakfast and finished them off.

my guy got a new 'do

Richard with Cameron on his blessing day exactly six years prior to the photo taken below.


I'm just going to cut to the chase here. (With Richard's permission of course.) He's losing his hair. After much discussion and a few trial hair-dos that came dangerously close to a comb-over he decided to just shave it. His brother was always telling him to just embrace baldness, so he has. You can go ahead and comment on his hair (or lack of) and make jokes about it, he's moved past the mourning phase. We're good now. I say "we" because shaving his head is much easier for me than cutting his hair.