Sheesh. I haven't blogged in awhile. I've had an emotional few days.
On Saturday I heard about a friend of my mom's 4-month old grandson who stopped breathing during a nap on Friday. His dad gave him CPR but he passed away on Sunday. He had three older siblings similar ages to my own children, and he was born only days before Simon. It hit close to home and for days all I have been able to think about is his heartbroken mother. These events always cause me to reflect.
In taking the opportunity to count my blessings I have been reminded about what really matters in life. I know how cliche that sounds, but I have been humbled to realize that my behavior doesn't reflect my proper priorities, and I am grateful for an opportunity to put them back in place.
At first I felt guilty holding my baby and thanking Heavenly Father for his little life. It felt like I was saying "Too bad for you, I'm sure glad that didn't happen to me." Because I'm not any more deserving of my baby than the other mother. But I received a strong answer to my guilt and it was this. "Show me you are grateful." I feel that I have been instructed to demonstrate my gratitude not in casual prayer but through acts of faith and service.
This morning I attended the funeral of a remarkable woman I met five years ago when we moved to Kuna. She was diagnosed with cancer not long after we moved here and I've observed her devotion to the Lord these last few years.
Today at her funeral I realized what a legacy she has left her two teenage children and other family members. Again I reflected. The legacy we leave behind doesn't begin when we learn we will be leaving the Earth, most of us don't have the chance to know in advance when our death will be. Our legacy begins now, and for those of us who have children our opportunities to teach them and be with them are passing by.
Our Bishop talked about how Sindy did her best to live true to her family and faith. She really did her best. She had hope that if she served her fellow men and the Lord, he would live up to his promises to her. Her actions demonstrated her faith and all the time I knew her I admired her unselfishness and optimism.
All these thoughts are a work in progress, but I needed to express them.
I am so grateful for hope. I have hope that God will share his peace with those who are suffering and experiencing the pain of loss.