I write about this a lot. I do because it is a struggle for me and when I have these insights I like to dwell on them and express them with the hope that it will somehow change my behavior.
I find myself frequently discussing with my husband the choices of others. Recent experiences in my life have called into question the productivity of these discussion. Often it is harmless, just sharing and expressing of opinions. But many times it becomes judgemental and critical. This is what has been eating at me.
I am constantly observing people in my life and analyzing their choices according to what I would do, or what I think they should do. Sadly more often than not I think that my way is the right way. Even if I could be 100% sure that in the same situation I would do what I deem to be the "right" thing, that doesn't take into account many things. It doesn't consider the gifts of understanding, faith or character that Heavenly Father has blessed me with. Nor does it account for blessings I have been given regarding the way I was raised or experiences in my life that have shaped me. Of course God expects us to make the right choice no matter these other things, but he will extend mercy according to them. Even with my gifts and blessings I still make mistakes, give in to temptation and become frustrated with my weaknesses. I compare myself to others who were given gifts and blessings to be strong in the areas I am weak. I dearly hope that the Lord will show that same mercy unto me.
It is like the quote says, our view of reality is only our view, not reality itself. My perspective of their choice is exactly that, my perspective. Even should I try and view their choice from their perspective I would be unsuccessful because I have little or no knowledge of their desires, feelings and sorrows.
Only we can know when we point out the mistakes and weaknesses of others if we are doing it in a condemning or judgemental way. Perhaps some are capable of doing it with a heart full of love and mercy. But I haven't found this to be the case for me. President Monson teaches that even when someone's weaknesses or errors are clear, "charity impels us to be sympathetic, compassionate and merciful."
So why is it so hard?
UPDATE: I wrote this post a long time ago and never published it. Then I came across this post (go read the inspiring story) recently and was reminded of these thoughts and decided I'd share them.
Deciphering the jabber
Miriam and I were looking at this book and she kept pointing at this page and saying- what I thought was "pink." I figured she thought it was a pig and so I kept saying "No, that is a bull." Then I realized she was saying "bink" and she thought the bull was soothing with a pacifier. Seems reasonable enough.
Tooth Fairy
I guess one of the perks to having a dental hygienist for a mom is that you get a little topical anesthetic on your gums while Dad pulls your first tooth.
If Cameron hadn't been so thrilled about the whole experience I might have been a little sad about this milestone.
Not mention there is nothing more esthetically pleasing than the primary dentition. Once the permanent teeth erupt every child must face the awkward years when their teeth are much too big for their body.
Oh well. He sure doesn't care.
If Cameron hadn't been so thrilled about the whole experience I might have been a little sad about this milestone.
Not mention there is nothing more esthetically pleasing than the primary dentition. Once the permanent teeth erupt every child must face the awkward years when their teeth are much too big for their body.
Oh well. He sure doesn't care.
win or lose
This is the morning-after-heart-breaking-loss pep talk I gave myself.
In my mind the National Championship was a "pipe dream," as Richard always says. But a BCS bowl was our expectation and anything else was unacceptable.
But there are dozens and dozens of teams in the FBS. And among them are many good teams, with long-time loyal fans. My neighbors are Nebraska fans, rain or shine. Only ten of those many teams are ranked top ten, and only 25 in the top 25. We've been riding a wave of top ten success that leaves us bitter about about ranking anything less.
I have only been a BSU fan for about six years, and I'll admit I'm a band-wagon fan. It's been energizing to see the records set and win after win. I've gotten some of life's biggest thrills from Bronco wins against teams like Oklahoma and Virginia Tech.
But these have been exceptional years. Most teams don't make BCS bowl games. Most teams don't go undefeated. Losing is just part of the game and I refuse to let it get me depressed.
A little slice of humble pie seems to be just the thing in order. (For the fans that is. The team is not known for "trash talk". Jared Zabransky excepted.) Sure our team can beat great teams in hyped-up games, once a year. But it's time to be patient while the Broncos work to prove that they can beat non-ranked teams in their conference each year.
I refuse to be a fair-weather fan. It is a team to be proud of, I've been honored to cheer for a brilliant quarterback like Kellen Moore and have my kids wear his jersey number. And I am proud to support a coach with character. It's a great program, and I'll cheer them on win or lose.
By golly, if I'm going to be a college football fan, and Boise State is my team, I'm going to love it all.
Bird Fam Fans 2010
Halloween 2011
(I think Richard might have asked me not to put this picture on the blog- but Halloween was sooooo long ago I don't remember. He was giving the kids fits of laughter as he ate a sour Warhead.)
Halloween falls in a bad time of year for Richard, so sometimes he's around, sometimes he's busy and sometimes he's out of town. This year we were lucky to have him around. And I was lucky to get him to dress up! I made the Flinstone costumes last minute with the help of YouTube.
Miriam was all about satisfying her immediate desires. Candy now.
Simon was as delightful as ever. He stayed home and won admirers at the door handing out candy.
Here is Cameron carefully choosing each piece of candy to fit into his Ziploc baggie.
Eli was not really interested in filling his bag, and made hasty work of it.
We have a tradition at our house where the kids can choose their favorite candies and put them in a sandwich bag. The remaining candy is returned to the trick-or-treat pillowcase and overnight the "Switch Witch" comes and exchanges the candy for a book or game. Richard seems to think this is a big scam, and robs the children of the joys of Halloween candy. Cameron felt that way this year as well. But seeing as how I finally threw away the remaining Halloween candy IN THE ZIPLOC BAGS at Christmas time I'm feeling pretty confident that it is a good system. Besides. The Switch Witch loves candy.
Monkey See, Monkey Do
That phrase seems so insulting to monkeys...
You know how they are always saying that you have to be careful because children are always watching? Apparently Miriam has been watching me give the epi-pen demo to the babysitters.
Later that evening the tv remote was missing. We searched high and low. Richard remarked "It's probably with my chapstick." Being DVR converts, the tv is worthless without the remote. We continued to look in every possible toddler hiding place and I finally found it in a basket in Cameron and Eli's room. Sure enough the chapstick was in the same basket. It doesn't seem so funny now, but we had a good laugh that cured us of our building frustration. That little girl has some crazy power over us.
You know how they are always saying that you have to be careful because children are always watching? Apparently Miriam has been watching me give the epi-pen demo to the babysitters.
Don't worry, there is no needle in that one. It is the demo pen. But I know I still need to be careful about letting her get her hands on it, for many reasons not the least of which being that it might go the way of the tv remote...
Richard keeps his wallet, keys, chapstick, etc on a bedside table. Miriam has discovered the chapstick and frequently steals it. The other night Richard noticed it was missing and asked her about it. She then proceeded to lead him around the house in a fruitless search. The whole thing reminded me of Dori on Finding Nemo leading around Marlin in a disappointing search for the boat. Richard would get his hopes up thinking she actually knew where the chapstick was, only to have her periodically look at him like "Can I help you?"
Later that evening the tv remote was missing. We searched high and low. Richard remarked "It's probably with my chapstick." Being DVR converts, the tv is worthless without the remote. We continued to look in every possible toddler hiding place and I finally found it in a basket in Cameron and Eli's room. Sure enough the chapstick was in the same basket. It doesn't seem so funny now, but we had a good laugh that cured us of our building frustration. That little girl has some crazy power over us.
a day of horror, but not Halloween
I've been meaning to write about this forever, because as my sisters pointed out, the silver lining to the dark cloud over the story I'm about to write, is that it was good blog material. So while I hope you enjoy reading, for your sakes I hope you can not relate. If I were a little more clever I could turn it into a very humorous tale, but this will have to do.
At the beginning of October we went down to Provo for my brother Evan's wedding. I'll save the fun and exciting parts of that trip for another post. Maybe, if I ever get around to it.
The day after the wedding my sisters and mother and I decided as our wedding gift we would do a little decorating in the newlyweds' apartment. We sent most of the children with our husbands but I brought Simon along with me. We put Simon (in his carseat) in one cart and grabbed another cart for our merchandise. I can't really say who was pushing which cart when it happened. All I know is that somewhere along the way there was a mix-up, and when I looked in the two carts we were pushing, neither of them contained a baby.
"Where is my baby!?" The three other women, all mothers, looked frantically in the two baby-less carts and then we deserted said carts while we searched the aisles looking for Simon. He was a few aisles down, contentedly looking around as if just waiting for us to return. The entire incident lasted probably less than two minutes, but if you can relate you know what a long two minutes those can be.
A couple hours later, after finishing our task at the apartment, the guys met up with us. Miriam was asleep in her carseat so Richard stayed in the van with her. Cameron and Eli came into the apartment, and thinking Richard and the van were just outside in the parking lot, I sent Cameron back out to retrieve the diaper bag. Cameron didn't return. I went out to the parking lot, and neither Cameron or the van were anywhere to be found. I wasn't worried at this point, mostly just confused. I walked around the side of the apartment complex to the road and saw Richard standing outside the van talking on his phone.
I asked "Where is Cameron?" and he mouthed a reply "I don't know" while giving me an expression that said "I'm trying to have a conversation here." Anxiety was awakening inside me while I walked back to the apartment to see if I had missed him somehow. When I got there and saw that he wasn't there I started to panic and all available adults were dispatched for a search.
I went back to Richard who could see my distress and abruptly finished his phone call. In the stress of the moment neither of us quite had our senses about us and we left Miriam in her seat, in the unlocked car and began searching for our kid.
This incident lasted much longer, or at least it seemed much longer. We had spread in several different directions and my brother in law even took his car to drive around. Richard finally found Cameron, eight blocks away, crossing another street. When I encountered them Cameron had lost his stoic and confident demeanor and melted into a frightened, yet relieved six year old.
Our own relief was quickly obliterated upon returning to our van and discovering that Miriam was no longer inside. I don't need to describe the next few minutes that occurred before we learned that Lori had rescued her from what clearly could have been a worse fate.
I am not the paranoid parent. That would be Richard. I don't worry much at all about my children's safety, in fact it is to a fault. I hope that those who know me, know I am a good mother despite my sometimes lackadaisical parenting. But I was still mortified in those brief moments when I imagined the worst.
Of course, looking back now it is already easy for me to laugh about it all. I hope that doesn't mean I didn't learn anything on that day I lost [nearly] all my children.
At the beginning of October we went down to Provo for my brother Evan's wedding. I'll save the fun and exciting parts of that trip for another post. Maybe, if I ever get around to it.
The day after the wedding my sisters and mother and I decided as our wedding gift we would do a little decorating in the newlyweds' apartment. We sent most of the children with our husbands but I brought Simon along with me. We put Simon (in his carseat) in one cart and grabbed another cart for our merchandise. I can't really say who was pushing which cart when it happened. All I know is that somewhere along the way there was a mix-up, and when I looked in the two carts we were pushing, neither of them contained a baby.
"Where is my baby!?" The three other women, all mothers, looked frantically in the two baby-less carts and then we deserted said carts while we searched the aisles looking for Simon. He was a few aisles down, contentedly looking around as if just waiting for us to return. The entire incident lasted probably less than two minutes, but if you can relate you know what a long two minutes those can be.
A couple hours later, after finishing our task at the apartment, the guys met up with us. Miriam was asleep in her carseat so Richard stayed in the van with her. Cameron and Eli came into the apartment, and thinking Richard and the van were just outside in the parking lot, I sent Cameron back out to retrieve the diaper bag. Cameron didn't return. I went out to the parking lot, and neither Cameron or the van were anywhere to be found. I wasn't worried at this point, mostly just confused. I walked around the side of the apartment complex to the road and saw Richard standing outside the van talking on his phone.
I asked "Where is Cameron?" and he mouthed a reply "I don't know" while giving me an expression that said "I'm trying to have a conversation here." Anxiety was awakening inside me while I walked back to the apartment to see if I had missed him somehow. When I got there and saw that he wasn't there I started to panic and all available adults were dispatched for a search.
I went back to Richard who could see my distress and abruptly finished his phone call. In the stress of the moment neither of us quite had our senses about us and we left Miriam in her seat, in the unlocked car and began searching for our kid.
This incident lasted much longer, or at least it seemed much longer. We had spread in several different directions and my brother in law even took his car to drive around. Richard finally found Cameron, eight blocks away, crossing another street. When I encountered them Cameron had lost his stoic and confident demeanor and melted into a frightened, yet relieved six year old.
Our own relief was quickly obliterated upon returning to our van and discovering that Miriam was no longer inside. I don't need to describe the next few minutes that occurred before we learned that Lori had rescued her from what clearly could have been a worse fate.
I am not the paranoid parent. That would be Richard. I don't worry much at all about my children's safety, in fact it is to a fault. I hope that those who know me, know I am a good mother despite my sometimes lackadaisical parenting. But I was still mortified in those brief moments when I imagined the worst.
Of course, looking back now it is already easy for me to laugh about it all. I hope that doesn't mean I didn't learn anything on that day I lost [nearly] all my children.
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